... ME! It was the Bauer Awards last night, which is when all the magazines in the company have a big piss-up at Grosvenor House, pretend they're not bothered about winning anything and boo loudly when love rats go up on stage to collect awards (LONG story...). I got shortlisted in the Rising Star category and had a brilliant evening. I had a bit of a revelation beforehand - I'd been worrying for days about what to wear, and I only realised on the day itself that I hadn't given a second thought to the fact that this would be the biggest, most formal eating/drinking situation I'd been in since starting the diet. But once again, everyone else was much more bothered about it than I was, constantly asking if I was OK, etc. Luckily I had a greedy boy to eat my food, and plenty of thirsty workmates to drink my share of the alcohol. So selfless of them. Anyway, this blog's been absent from photos for a while which seems silly as, really, who wants to read about weight loss unless there are photos? So, here's a picture of me last night in my new size 14 Oasis dress, alongside a picture of me from the same awards a year ago, looking drunk and hideous in a size 18 dress...
Saturday, 18 October 2008
Tuesday, 14 October 2008
I'm so vain, I probably think this blog is about me
If there's one thing I can't stand it's vanity. I find it particularly repugnant when men spend way too much time on their hair, clothes and - the worst - tans (sorry Stef), but I'm also not a big fan of girls who are completely obsessed with the way they look. Or, at least, I used to feel that way. But, now that I'm three stone lighter (OK, 2 stone, 12 lbs lighter, let's not get ahead of ourselves) I'm obsessed with looking at pictures of myself, checking myself out in mirrors, buying clothes and then trying said clothes on several times while checking myself out in mirrors and, yep, possibly even taking pictures of myself doing it and then looking at them. If I wasn't me, I would think I was a total twat.
I had today off work for tedious reasons involving Sky engineers, and this morning I went shopping in Croydon with the intention of buying two, just two, items - some new jeans, as my old ones now all look beyond ridiculous, and a dress for the Bauer Awards this Friday. I ended up buying the jeans... plus a skirt, some shoes, a necklace, some tights and FOUR dresses. I've also got two dresses on the way from ASOS, and another one from somewhere in America. I think somebody should probably take my debit card away (Dad?) before this gets any more out of control. To be fair, though, the jeans were a tenner from New Look and a lot of the other stuff was from Primark, so I didn't spend a huge amount... but probably more than I should have done considering some of these items will be too big for me quite quickly. I used to hate shopping, but now that I'm thinner, I have to confess that I rather like it. Suddenly changing rooms aren't evil and Topshop isn't a no-go zone. I've still got a way to go, as at the moment I'm a size 14 in everything but jeans, thanks to my sticky-outy, size 16 bum, but just a few months ago that bum sometimes struggled to get into 18s, so it's progress. I also have a ridiculous new bra size, as I've lost a lot off my back, but not too much cuppage - so I'm now a 34GG, when I used to be a 36GG or 38G. Perhaps I should do porn.
Speaking of which (boobs, not porn - this isn't that kind of website), I had to buy a hideous sports bra yesterday because... wait for it... I've joined the gym! On my last blog post, an anonymous reader (ooh, mysterious...) asked if I was doing any exercise so I can now answer this. I've been going swimming at South Norwood Leisure Centre a couple of times a week since July, but now that I'm lighter and feel more confident, I decided to sign up to their gym as well. It's cheap and really modern, and never appears to be very busy. I've just got back from my induction and it was surprisingly OK. The instructor was nice and I explained the diet and everything to her, so I've got a programme which will mainly focus on toning, as obviously this is a big concern when I'm losing a lot of weight very quickly. I discovered that I'm actually stronger and fitter than I thought I was, but then last time I had a gym induction was in 2003 when I was a lot heavier (I lost a couple of stone on Weightwatchers in 2004, and kept most of it off before starting Lighter Life). We've also been given a stretchy exercise band thing, a Swiss ball and a couple of DVDs at our Lighter Life meetings, but it's tricky for me to use these at home as my flat is very small, and Delilah (my cat) thinks it's a fun game and tries to join in. Anyway, people who witter on about exercise are really, really dull so I won't expand further, other than to say yes, I'm exercising, and I plan to step it up as my calorie intake rises - on only 500 a day, I need to be careful I don't overdo it.
I've got about four weeks to go until the initial 100 days of Lighter Life is over and I hope to lose around 18 more pounds in that time. I then have a choice: if I'm happy where I am, I can move into "Route To Management" which is where food starts to be re-introduced. Or if I want to lose a bit more weight, I can go into "Development" which means I'd carry on with the no-food, no-booze, no-life (not true) thing until I reach my goal. I'd imagine I'll carry on for three or four weeks, and then start RTM around Christmas - which will be interesting, to say the least.
Any questions? If you ask me stuff, I might actually update this more often...
I had today off work for tedious reasons involving Sky engineers, and this morning I went shopping in Croydon with the intention of buying two, just two, items - some new jeans, as my old ones now all look beyond ridiculous, and a dress for the Bauer Awards this Friday. I ended up buying the jeans... plus a skirt, some shoes, a necklace, some tights and FOUR dresses. I've also got two dresses on the way from ASOS, and another one from somewhere in America. I think somebody should probably take my debit card away (Dad?) before this gets any more out of control. To be fair, though, the jeans were a tenner from New Look and a lot of the other stuff was from Primark, so I didn't spend a huge amount... but probably more than I should have done considering some of these items will be too big for me quite quickly. I used to hate shopping, but now that I'm thinner, I have to confess that I rather like it. Suddenly changing rooms aren't evil and Topshop isn't a no-go zone. I've still got a way to go, as at the moment I'm a size 14 in everything but jeans, thanks to my sticky-outy, size 16 bum, but just a few months ago that bum sometimes struggled to get into 18s, so it's progress. I also have a ridiculous new bra size, as I've lost a lot off my back, but not too much cuppage - so I'm now a 34GG, when I used to be a 36GG or 38G. Perhaps I should do porn.
Speaking of which (boobs, not porn - this isn't that kind of website), I had to buy a hideous sports bra yesterday because... wait for it... I've joined the gym! On my last blog post, an anonymous reader (ooh, mysterious...) asked if I was doing any exercise so I can now answer this. I've been going swimming at South Norwood Leisure Centre a couple of times a week since July, but now that I'm lighter and feel more confident, I decided to sign up to their gym as well. It's cheap and really modern, and never appears to be very busy. I've just got back from my induction and it was surprisingly OK. The instructor was nice and I explained the diet and everything to her, so I've got a programme which will mainly focus on toning, as obviously this is a big concern when I'm losing a lot of weight very quickly. I discovered that I'm actually stronger and fitter than I thought I was, but then last time I had a gym induction was in 2003 when I was a lot heavier (I lost a couple of stone on Weightwatchers in 2004, and kept most of it off before starting Lighter Life). We've also been given a stretchy exercise band thing, a Swiss ball and a couple of DVDs at our Lighter Life meetings, but it's tricky for me to use these at home as my flat is very small, and Delilah (my cat) thinks it's a fun game and tries to join in. Anyway, people who witter on about exercise are really, really dull so I won't expand further, other than to say yes, I'm exercising, and I plan to step it up as my calorie intake rises - on only 500 a day, I need to be careful I don't overdo it.
I've got about four weeks to go until the initial 100 days of Lighter Life is over and I hope to lose around 18 more pounds in that time. I then have a choice: if I'm happy where I am, I can move into "Route To Management" which is where food starts to be re-introduced. Or if I want to lose a bit more weight, I can go into "Development" which means I'd carry on with the no-food, no-booze, no-life (not true) thing until I reach my goal. I'd imagine I'll carry on for three or four weeks, and then start RTM around Christmas - which will be interesting, to say the least.
Any questions? If you ask me stuff, I might actually update this more often...
Wednesday, 1 October 2008
My blogging shame
Today I've had two complaints about my lack of recent bloggage. One of them even cited the date that I last wrote and pointed out that I'd said in that very entry that I'd be updating loads because I had time off work. Well, um, I lied, didn't I? But while I might not be sticking to my vow to update this regularly, I am sticking to the diet. No slip-ups, no drama and I've now lost over two stone. So, what the hell have I been doing with my time? Let's see...
Home improvements: My flat is now nearly as beautiful as I want it to be. Thanks to the combined skills and general brilliance of my parents (Mum = painting and curtain making superstar. Dad = demon driller) and my own sense of motivation (which I never used to have before this diet), my living room is now all kinds of gorgeous. It's been rid of crappy Argos bookshelves and Ikea bits and pieces, and is full of things I really love from vintage shops and eBay. Speaking of which...
Spending money: Oh my god, I'm addicted to shopping. Over the past few weeks, Paypal has become my best pal. I've realised that everything is better in America and have been buying all sorts of clothes that don't fit me yet from sites like pinupgirlclothing.com, as well as loads more tat for my house from far-flung corners of the world like Oklahoma, Rotterdam and, er, Crystal Palace. I've also been spending money in actual shops, where you have to deal with human beings and everything, and today bought my first much smaller item that actually fits. I know a size 14 isn't small by a lot of people's standards, but it is definitely in the realms of "normal" and "curvy" rather than "fat", so for me to be able to buy something that size - and not even something stretchy, but a fitted autumnal jacket - is quite an achievement. And it wasn't a fluke - I tried on several different coats of various shapes and colours, and 14 was the right size in all of them. This is partly because my boobs (which normally had me firmly in size 18 territory with anything that needed to fasten) have shrunk quite a bit over the past week or so. Don't worry, whammer fans, they're still definitely prominent, but you might want to kiss goodbye to them soon. Not literally. Unless you're fit. Today I also bought a waist-cinching belt in a medium (the large was too big! This is unheard of!) which shows where my weight is coming off - my waist is under 32 inches now, but my hips are still of child-bearing proportions and, well, baby's most definitely got back. I'm still definitely a 16 in jeans, but that's OK - I like having an arse, and I know things will be in proportion eventually.
Socialising: My struggle with having fun while not boozing/eating is over - it's now totally fine. I went to a wedding drinks thing on Saturday night and had a brilliant time - the best I've had since starting the diet, and it didn't bother me at all that people were scoffing chips and knocking back shots of sambuca. I've also been enjoying doing different things - there have been more trips to the theatre, more gigs, more nice lunchtime strolls, more ridiculous conversations with Nicky (the day we run out of things to say to each other is the day the world ends) and I've just got home from my first ever meeting of Isabel's Book Group For Nice Girls Who Are Clever And Not Pretentious (search for it on Facebook if you want to join) where we discussed Lionel Shriver's We Need To Talk About Kevin. A lovely mixture of people came along and it made me feel all warm inside - and without the aid of Jack Daniels. I think that when it comes to drinking again, I'll take a much more moderate approach, as I've realised I absolutely don't need it to have a good time, which is quite the revelation for me.
Getting a big head: I've been really touched and overwhelmed by how lovely 99 per cent of people I know have been about me doing this. Obviously it goes without saying that my closest friends and family have been amazing, but I've also been getting lots of support and encouragement from people I don't know so well. Every day I get compliments about how good I'm looking, and some of the most meaningful come in the form of private messages from random people on the fringes of my life, because I know they wouldn't bother if they didn't mean it. It really keeps me going and I'll be keeping them all in a special file so if I struggle further down the line, I can give myself a boost. Blimey, that was a bit sincere. I hate you all really.
The important thing to remember is even though I might be, according to some of you, looking great at the moment, I do still have a long way to go. I'm over halfway through the first stage of this diet, but the hard bit comes after that, when real food starts coming into it. I'm determined to get to my target of a size 12 which I reckon will involve losing around two more stone, but it's really hard to say. At the moment it feels quite easy but I know it won't stay that way, so it means a lot to me that I have so many people being so damned brilliant. Aaaargh, there goes that heartfelt sincerity again! I'd better go before I start weeping or something.
Home improvements: My flat is now nearly as beautiful as I want it to be. Thanks to the combined skills and general brilliance of my parents (Mum = painting and curtain making superstar. Dad = demon driller) and my own sense of motivation (which I never used to have before this diet), my living room is now all kinds of gorgeous. It's been rid of crappy Argos bookshelves and Ikea bits and pieces, and is full of things I really love from vintage shops and eBay. Speaking of which...
Spending money: Oh my god, I'm addicted to shopping. Over the past few weeks, Paypal has become my best pal. I've realised that everything is better in America and have been buying all sorts of clothes that don't fit me yet from sites like pinupgirlclothing.com, as well as loads more tat for my house from far-flung corners of the world like Oklahoma, Rotterdam and, er, Crystal Palace. I've also been spending money in actual shops, where you have to deal with human beings and everything, and today bought my first much smaller item that actually fits. I know a size 14 isn't small by a lot of people's standards, but it is definitely in the realms of "normal" and "curvy" rather than "fat", so for me to be able to buy something that size - and not even something stretchy, but a fitted autumnal jacket - is quite an achievement. And it wasn't a fluke - I tried on several different coats of various shapes and colours, and 14 was the right size in all of them. This is partly because my boobs (which normally had me firmly in size 18 territory with anything that needed to fasten) have shrunk quite a bit over the past week or so. Don't worry, whammer fans, they're still definitely prominent, but you might want to kiss goodbye to them soon. Not literally. Unless you're fit. Today I also bought a waist-cinching belt in a medium (the large was too big! This is unheard of!) which shows where my weight is coming off - my waist is under 32 inches now, but my hips are still of child-bearing proportions and, well, baby's most definitely got back. I'm still definitely a 16 in jeans, but that's OK - I like having an arse, and I know things will be in proportion eventually.
Socialising: My struggle with having fun while not boozing/eating is over - it's now totally fine. I went to a wedding drinks thing on Saturday night and had a brilliant time - the best I've had since starting the diet, and it didn't bother me at all that people were scoffing chips and knocking back shots of sambuca. I've also been enjoying doing different things - there have been more trips to the theatre, more gigs, more nice lunchtime strolls, more ridiculous conversations with Nicky (the day we run out of things to say to each other is the day the world ends) and I've just got home from my first ever meeting of Isabel's Book Group For Nice Girls Who Are Clever And Not Pretentious (search for it on Facebook if you want to join) where we discussed Lionel Shriver's We Need To Talk About Kevin. A lovely mixture of people came along and it made me feel all warm inside - and without the aid of Jack Daniels. I think that when it comes to drinking again, I'll take a much more moderate approach, as I've realised I absolutely don't need it to have a good time, which is quite the revelation for me.
Getting a big head: I've been really touched and overwhelmed by how lovely 99 per cent of people I know have been about me doing this. Obviously it goes without saying that my closest friends and family have been amazing, but I've also been getting lots of support and encouragement from people I don't know so well. Every day I get compliments about how good I'm looking, and some of the most meaningful come in the form of private messages from random people on the fringes of my life, because I know they wouldn't bother if they didn't mean it. It really keeps me going and I'll be keeping them all in a special file so if I struggle further down the line, I can give myself a boost. Blimey, that was a bit sincere. I hate you all really.
The important thing to remember is even though I might be, according to some of you, looking great at the moment, I do still have a long way to go. I'm over halfway through the first stage of this diet, but the hard bit comes after that, when real food starts coming into it. I'm determined to get to my target of a size 12 which I reckon will involve losing around two more stone, but it's really hard to say. At the moment it feels quite easy but I know it won't stay that way, so it means a lot to me that I have so many people being so damned brilliant. Aaaargh, there goes that heartfelt sincerity again! I'd better go before I start weeping or something.
Sunday, 14 September 2008
Don't worry, I haven't starved to death...
I've just been busy. Yes, it is actually possible to be busy when you're not eating or drinking like a normal person. I've also been very tired, so haven't had the energy to write (I write all bleeding day, so sometimes it's the last thing I want to do when I get home). A couple of people assumed that the absence of bloggage meant that I'd given up but "au contraire!", as someone twatty might say, it's still going very well - as of yesterday, I've lost 1st 11lbs... in five weeks! Apparently that's the weight of an average two year old - I would like to illustrate this point with a photo of me when I was two, but there are two problems: 1. I don't have any to hand and 2. I'd imagine I weighed a lot more than that when I was two, given that my brother and sister used to nickname me the Michelin baby. Oh yes, I've always been "curvy".
The other good news is that, from what I can remember, I now officially weigh less than I have since approximately the second year of university - although, weirdly, my body is a different shape. My boobs are bigger than they were then (since starting this diet, I've gone down a back size, but am still the same cup size), but my waist is smaller (it now stands at 32.5 inches - three inches smaller than it was five weeks ago!). My my, I must have blossomed into a woman.
I now have a week off work, but I'm not going anywhere - instead, I'm sorting out my flat. I've lived here for a year now and I love it, but it still feels a bit incomplete - I haven't even fully unpacked. Oh my god, I'm a terrible human being. To be fair though, it's a small flat without much storage, and I own a lot of crap. So, this week I'm sorting a lot of stuff out, getting rid of things (including all the clothes that are now too big for me) and then my mum's coming to stay for a couple of nights to help me decorate - brace yourselves, for the pink palace will be getting even pinker!
I think this urge to do nesty things is probably diet-related - maybe I want to make over my flat as well as my body, or maybe I'm using the energy that's normally reserved for socialising too much and actually doing something positive and productive with it. This is exciting, as if my flat's looking good, it will make me want to invite more people into it (oo-er, does this apply to my body as well? Time will tell!) and my home is a much better environment for me at the moment than bars and restaurants. I also have a lot of tedious personal admin to do this week, including renewing my driving licence (which means I've been on the road for ten years. God, I'm old). This is a bit annoying because I don't really want to get new passport pictures taken for it until my cheeks have gone from festively plump (my ex-boyfriend used to squeeze them and say "A round face is a happy face!" - um, no, a round face is a greedy face) to "Excuse me, would you mind awfully if I sliced this lump of cheese on your face?".
Although I just wrote that "my home is a much better environment for me at the moment than bars and restaurants", I have actually been spending a fair amount of time in eating and drinking establishments, and it's really fine - normal food just seems like something that's not part of my life at the moment, and it genuinely doesn't bother me when other people are eating. In some cases, it seems to bother them a lot more than it bothers me- there's been quite a bit of "I'm so sorry to eat this in front of you, are you sure it's OK, I can go somewhere else" etc etc. Please stop this, real life friends - in fact, shut your cakeholes!
As for the drinking... I do still miss it, but not as much as I thought I would. In theory, I'll be finishing the abstinence part of this diet on November 14th, and after that you go to the management stage, where you start introducing different types of foods gradually (there's a set programme, it's all very sensible). As far as I'm aware, you don't re-introduce alcohol until the fifth or sixth week of that but given the time of year this will coincide with, I just don't think this is going to work for me, so I'm going to have to adapt it somehow. Whatever happens, I'm going to drink on November 22nd - it's my lovely friend Raji's hen night, and I'm very excited about it. But if that's the first time I've boozed in over three months, I'll have to be very, very careful.... although at least by then I should be light enough for me friends to peel me off the floor if necessary.
I've got a mental list of things I want to write about in this blog (and some of it's quite juicy...) so I'll try to get round to it during my week off... probably when I'm trying to avoid sorting through my endless piles of junk.
The other good news is that, from what I can remember, I now officially weigh less than I have since approximately the second year of university - although, weirdly, my body is a different shape. My boobs are bigger than they were then (since starting this diet, I've gone down a back size, but am still the same cup size), but my waist is smaller (it now stands at 32.5 inches - three inches smaller than it was five weeks ago!). My my, I must have blossomed into a woman.
I now have a week off work, but I'm not going anywhere - instead, I'm sorting out my flat. I've lived here for a year now and I love it, but it still feels a bit incomplete - I haven't even fully unpacked. Oh my god, I'm a terrible human being. To be fair though, it's a small flat without much storage, and I own a lot of crap. So, this week I'm sorting a lot of stuff out, getting rid of things (including all the clothes that are now too big for me) and then my mum's coming to stay for a couple of nights to help me decorate - brace yourselves, for the pink palace will be getting even pinker!
I think this urge to do nesty things is probably diet-related - maybe I want to make over my flat as well as my body, or maybe I'm using the energy that's normally reserved for socialising too much and actually doing something positive and productive with it. This is exciting, as if my flat's looking good, it will make me want to invite more people into it (oo-er, does this apply to my body as well? Time will tell!) and my home is a much better environment for me at the moment than bars and restaurants. I also have a lot of tedious personal admin to do this week, including renewing my driving licence (which means I've been on the road for ten years. God, I'm old). This is a bit annoying because I don't really want to get new passport pictures taken for it until my cheeks have gone from festively plump (my ex-boyfriend used to squeeze them and say "A round face is a happy face!" - um, no, a round face is a greedy face) to "Excuse me, would you mind awfully if I sliced this lump of cheese on your face?".
Although I just wrote that "my home is a much better environment for me at the moment than bars and restaurants", I have actually been spending a fair amount of time in eating and drinking establishments, and it's really fine - normal food just seems like something that's not part of my life at the moment, and it genuinely doesn't bother me when other people are eating. In some cases, it seems to bother them a lot more than it bothers me- there's been quite a bit of "I'm so sorry to eat this in front of you, are you sure it's OK, I can go somewhere else" etc etc. Please stop this, real life friends - in fact, shut your cakeholes!
As for the drinking... I do still miss it, but not as much as I thought I would. In theory, I'll be finishing the abstinence part of this diet on November 14th, and after that you go to the management stage, where you start introducing different types of foods gradually (there's a set programme, it's all very sensible). As far as I'm aware, you don't re-introduce alcohol until the fifth or sixth week of that but given the time of year this will coincide with, I just don't think this is going to work for me, so I'm going to have to adapt it somehow. Whatever happens, I'm going to drink on November 22nd - it's my lovely friend Raji's hen night, and I'm very excited about it. But if that's the first time I've boozed in over three months, I'll have to be very, very careful.... although at least by then I should be light enough for me friends to peel me off the floor if necessary.
I've got a mental list of things I want to write about in this blog (and some of it's quite juicy...) so I'll try to get round to it during my week off... probably when I'm trying to avoid sorting through my endless piles of junk.
Sunday, 31 August 2008
Incident at Blockbuster
So, I just went to the video shop (do we still call them that?) for some Sunday afternoon entertainment (I got Lars & The Real Girl, Happy Go Lucky and the probably quite dreadful My Sassy Girl, DVD rental fact fans. Starving people watch a lot of films. Well, apart from the ones in Africa...) and this happened:
Blockbuster Lady: "You get a free bag of popcorn with those."
Isabel: "Oh, I don't want one."
Blockbuster Lady: "But it's free!"
Isabel: "No no, I don't want it, thanks."
Blockbuster Lady: "It's free!"
Isabel: "I DON'T LIKE POPCORN." [clearly a massive lie. I bloody love the stuff, especially the sticky, eye-wateringly sweet, bagged kind that she was offering]
Blockbuster Lady: "OK, but I have to scan it anyway. Are you sure?"
Isabel: "I DON'T WANT IT. YOU KEEP IT!"
[silence]
She must have thought I was fucking rude but I do think this is a good example of how junk food is pretty much forced upon us all the time. Incidentally, I think this is the first time I've been in a free food situation (away from people's houses, I mean) since starting this diet, but I'm sure it won't be the last. Being a wanky media type, free food and booze are pretty much on tap seven nights a week if I chose to live that way. I've deliberately stayed away from those kinds of events recently, but I think I'll have one in a couple of weeks when I go to the opening of Lucky Voice in Islington (bollocks to shyness, I'll do karaoke sober). And then there's the company awards thing in October, which I'm already a bit concerned about (massive sit-down meal and free wine and champagne all night) but I've already arranged a plan with some greedy boys who'll eat my food, so it should be OK. But still, this is all quite stressful! I don't mind telling people I know about this diet (in fact, everyone is weirdly fascinated by it) but I don't want to have to explain it to strangers.
Right, I'm going to watch those films now with not a kernel of popcorn in sight.
Blockbuster Lady: "You get a free bag of popcorn with those."
Isabel: "Oh, I don't want one."
Blockbuster Lady: "But it's free!"
Isabel: "No no, I don't want it, thanks."
Blockbuster Lady: "It's free!"
Isabel: "I DON'T LIKE POPCORN." [clearly a massive lie. I bloody love the stuff, especially the sticky, eye-wateringly sweet, bagged kind that she was offering]
Blockbuster Lady: "OK, but I have to scan it anyway. Are you sure?"
Isabel: "I DON'T WANT IT. YOU KEEP IT!"
[silence]
She must have thought I was fucking rude but I do think this is a good example of how junk food is pretty much forced upon us all the time. Incidentally, I think this is the first time I've been in a free food situation (away from people's houses, I mean) since starting this diet, but I'm sure it won't be the last. Being a wanky media type, free food and booze are pretty much on tap seven nights a week if I chose to live that way. I've deliberately stayed away from those kinds of events recently, but I think I'll have one in a couple of weeks when I go to the opening of Lucky Voice in Islington (bollocks to shyness, I'll do karaoke sober). And then there's the company awards thing in October, which I'm already a bit concerned about (massive sit-down meal and free wine and champagne all night) but I've already arranged a plan with some greedy boys who'll eat my food, so it should be OK. But still, this is all quite stressful! I don't mind telling people I know about this diet (in fact, everyone is weirdly fascinated by it) but I don't want to have to explain it to strangers.
Right, I'm going to watch those films now with not a kernel of popcorn in sight.
Saturday, 30 August 2008
According to my army of fans* I need to blog more often
* it's a small army.
Things are still going well. Saturdays are exciting for me now as it's when I have my weekly Lighter Life meeting and get weighed. Is it a bit sad that it's now probably the highlight of my week? Today I'd lost another 3lbs, so that's 1st 2lbs in total - in three weeks! I'm delighted. But to be honest, I find clothes sizes more tangible, so even more motivating is the fact that, before I started this process (crank up the Westlife and cut to voiceover: "Isabel's journey to The X Factor hasn't been an easy one...") I was a size 16-18, depending on the shop and the item in question, but I'm now firmly a size 16, all over - my size 18 jeans are dead to me. I'm sure a lot of skinny minnies reading this would cry if they were firmly a size 16, but it's an achievement for me, alright? I'm not going to buy any new clothes until I'm a 14, so for now they will just all have to be a bit loose, and I'm not going to buy loads of clothes until I'm a 12, when I will pat myself on the back and eat one tiny piece of chocolate.
So, who wants a visual? As I said, I've lost 1 stone 2 lbs, which is 16 lbs. Here's some shit that weighs 16 lbs:
So it's basically like I've given birth to a huge fish/bowling bowl/giant baby. Weird.
All in all, it's been a good week. Socialising has become enjoyable again (it was particularly enjoyable to watch all of my workmates get horrendously drunk at Jo Carnegie's leaving do on Thursday. I felt quite smug. Oh no, I'm one of those people now...), and now that I'm really able to see/feel results, it's very motivating. Also, today's meeting (two hours of "counselling") was really interesting - we learned about ego states, which I'd imagine is already a familiar concept to anyone who's studied psychology, but it was all new to me. It's to do with how we (and the people around us) either behave like a critical parent, nurturing parent, adult, rebellious child, free child or adapted child. We can all be all of those things at different times, and you can take them literally and apply them to your own relationship with your parents - I definitely have one critical parent and one nurturing parent (you know who you are!), but both of those things have positives and negatives. For example, a nurturing parent might have "treated" you with junk food when you were growing up, which could lead to a dodgy relationship with food now. I also act like a critical parent quite often, in that I'm quite, um, vocal about my opinions of people, even my friends (if I've got any left after admitting that) but wait, wait, don't hate me, I'm nurturing too - I like looking after them if they're sad.
Anyway, I could go on about all this for ages, but it's a bit too self-indulgent. Now I've got to clean my house. I've read on a few diet forums that some people use all the new energy they get from losing weight to clean their houses all the time. Sadly, this is yet to kick in. It's a pig-sty... it's just that the pig is a bit smaller now.
Things are still going well. Saturdays are exciting for me now as it's when I have my weekly Lighter Life meeting and get weighed. Is it a bit sad that it's now probably the highlight of my week? Today I'd lost another 3lbs, so that's 1st 2lbs in total - in three weeks! I'm delighted. But to be honest, I find clothes sizes more tangible, so even more motivating is the fact that, before I started this process (crank up the Westlife and cut to voiceover: "Isabel's journey to The X Factor hasn't been an easy one...") I was a size 16-18, depending on the shop and the item in question, but I'm now firmly a size 16, all over - my size 18 jeans are dead to me. I'm sure a lot of skinny minnies reading this would cry if they were firmly a size 16, but it's an achievement for me, alright? I'm not going to buy any new clothes until I'm a 14, so for now they will just all have to be a bit loose, and I'm not going to buy loads of clothes until I'm a 12, when I will pat myself on the back and eat one tiny piece of chocolate.
So, who wants a visual? As I said, I've lost 1 stone 2 lbs, which is 16 lbs. Here's some shit that weighs 16 lbs:
This fish (sorry Liv, I think it might be a koi carp):
The bowling ball that Barack Obama famously scored just 37 points with (ooh, topical):
So it's basically like I've given birth to a huge fish/bowling bowl/giant baby. Weird.
All in all, it's been a good week. Socialising has become enjoyable again (it was particularly enjoyable to watch all of my workmates get horrendously drunk at Jo Carnegie's leaving do on Thursday. I felt quite smug. Oh no, I'm one of those people now...), and now that I'm really able to see/feel results, it's very motivating. Also, today's meeting (two hours of "counselling") was really interesting - we learned about ego states, which I'd imagine is already a familiar concept to anyone who's studied psychology, but it was all new to me. It's to do with how we (and the people around us) either behave like a critical parent, nurturing parent, adult, rebellious child, free child or adapted child. We can all be all of those things at different times, and you can take them literally and apply them to your own relationship with your parents - I definitely have one critical parent and one nurturing parent (you know who you are!), but both of those things have positives and negatives. For example, a nurturing parent might have "treated" you with junk food when you were growing up, which could lead to a dodgy relationship with food now. I also act like a critical parent quite often, in that I'm quite, um, vocal about my opinions of people, even my friends (if I've got any left after admitting that) but wait, wait, don't hate me, I'm nurturing too - I like looking after them if they're sad.
Anyway, I could go on about all this for ages, but it's a bit too self-indulgent. Now I've got to clean my house. I've read on a few diet forums that some people use all the new energy they get from losing weight to clean their houses all the time. Sadly, this is yet to kick in. It's a pig-sty... it's just that the pig is a bit smaller now.
Tuesday, 26 August 2008
It's official - I'm obsessed with food!
So, today I wrote a book review - a book review of Lorraine Kelly's autobiography Between Me And You. Man, I'm cool. Anyway, it was only after I'd submitted the review and re-read it that I realised it was brimming over with references to food/eating/hunger. Here are a few examples:
"...we were hungry for revelations..."
"...our appetite for scandal was not going to be satisfied..."
"...the whole thing is served up..."
"...unpleasant taste in your mouth..."
This has taught me two things:
1. I should stop writing in such dreadful cliches.
2. Food is clearly on my mind, even if it isn't in my stomach.
Point 1 isn't really relevant here - in fact, it's about as much use as a chocola... never mind. Point 2, on the other hand, is interesting. Food is obviously on my mind constantly, without me even realising it. Which is funny, as abstaining from normal food has, apart from a few fragile moments (more on those in a moment), been pretty easy. But that's because I'm obsessed with this diet. I have a pretty obsessive (addictive?) personality at the best of times, but I suppose it's good that it's directed towards a positive goal at the moment. At least, I think it's a positive goal. But as my ever-wise and straight-talking friend Olivia pointed out today, in some ways the Lighter Life plan is basically medically-approved anorexia. But I don't suppose I should worry about that now - I think I'll know when to stop. And I have a long way to go yet. Although, and it's time for a boast, I have lost a stone now. Well, nearly a stone - 13 pounds, to be precise, in just over two weeks. Two weeks! People are noticing it now, my waist is two inches smaller and my clothes are much looser. It's exciting, and it makes me feel so good (particularly when people say such nice encouraging things) that it makes up for the boringness of dieting.
But, onto those fragile moments - and the first is actually booze, not food, related. As I mentioned in my last post, this weekend was Reading Festival, always one of the highlights of my year - but normally because I'm drinking non-stop, eating crap, donning a blonde wig and performing to thousands of people as Dolly Parton, meeting unsavoury characters and having an amazing time with my friends. This year, I did have an amazing time with my friends, but it was tee-total, food-free fun. And I didn't know that could be any fun at all.
However, and I've been in two minds about whether to own up to this, I did have my first lapse, in the form of one - yes, only one - plastic cup of vodka and soda water. Tut tut. I umm-ed and ah-ed over it for ages, and then succumbed to the lure of the bar at around 8pm on the Saturday night. The ordering of the drink was time-consuming, the taste of the drink was vile, and the circumstances of the drink's consumption were stressful - in fact, most of it ended up down my top as I got pushed around during Bloc Party's brilliant set. And, of course, I didn't feel great about it. Although I knew that one drink would have little, if any, effect on my weight loss, it was the principle of the thing - I'm supposed to be abstaining completely. But, and this is a big but (but not as big as my butt), I do feel I learned from it. I actually feel proud of myself for getting through - and enjoying - a festival (how many of you could do it without real food or alcohol? OR drugs, before you try to be clever...) which will surely be the biggest challenge I'll face on this journey (oh Christ, I've started talking about my "journey" - it's just like The X Factor). And I know now that drinking while I'm dieting is pointless, because there was no enjoyment factor - I just felt tired and a bit disappointed in myself. And I have also learned that feeling left out is perhaps a trigger for me to drink - and maybe eat too? But, slight blip aside, I had a fantastic weekend and saw a lot more bands than I would have if I'd been heading back to my tent every couple of hours to have a few more swigs on the winebox. I saw Lightspeed Champion, Bloc Party, Los Campesinos, Vampire Weekend, The Wombats, Dan Le Sac Vs Scroobius Pip, Black Kids, MGMT, Frank Turner, Jack Penate, The Killers, Mystery Jets... plus bits of loads of others. And I remember it all - amazing!
The second challenge came yesterday, when I went to the aforementioned Olivia's house for a little barbecue. For years, I've been moaning about not having many good friends in South London, and now Olivia and James have moved to Peckham, so it's all very exciting. But it would be more exciting if I could eat. I actually felt fine when plate after plate of chicken wings, burgers, crisps and cheese were being passed around - I mostly just enjoyed the smell while demurely sipping my mushroom soup - and, in fact, it wasn't until we moved on to the pub that I felt a bit iffy. Everyone was ordering desserts, and Olivia plumped for ("plumped for"! See?! Obsessed!) a chocolate brownie thing with gooey sauce and ice cream. I wasn't tempted to eat it, but not being able to even entertain the idea of doing such a thing did make me feel a bit sad. It's hard sitting at a table of friends who are all naturally slim despite happily stuffing their faces with crap all afternoon - how do they do it?
Anyway, this blog post is a bit on the epic side (and no guinea pigs again. I am sorry...) so it's time to shut up and go to bed.
"...we were hungry for revelations..."
"...our appetite for scandal was not going to be satisfied..."
"...the whole thing is served up..."
"...unpleasant taste in your mouth..."
This has taught me two things:
1. I should stop writing in such dreadful cliches.
2. Food is clearly on my mind, even if it isn't in my stomach.
Point 1 isn't really relevant here - in fact, it's about as much use as a chocola... never mind. Point 2, on the other hand, is interesting. Food is obviously on my mind constantly, without me even realising it. Which is funny, as abstaining from normal food has, apart from a few fragile moments (more on those in a moment), been pretty easy. But that's because I'm obsessed with this diet. I have a pretty obsessive (addictive?) personality at the best of times, but I suppose it's good that it's directed towards a positive goal at the moment. At least, I think it's a positive goal. But as my ever-wise and straight-talking friend Olivia pointed out today, in some ways the Lighter Life plan is basically medically-approved anorexia. But I don't suppose I should worry about that now - I think I'll know when to stop. And I have a long way to go yet. Although, and it's time for a boast, I have lost a stone now. Well, nearly a stone - 13 pounds, to be precise, in just over two weeks. Two weeks! People are noticing it now, my waist is two inches smaller and my clothes are much looser. It's exciting, and it makes me feel so good (particularly when people say such nice encouraging things) that it makes up for the boringness of dieting.
But, onto those fragile moments - and the first is actually booze, not food, related. As I mentioned in my last post, this weekend was Reading Festival, always one of the highlights of my year - but normally because I'm drinking non-stop, eating crap, donning a blonde wig and performing to thousands of people as Dolly Parton, meeting unsavoury characters and having an amazing time with my friends. This year, I did have an amazing time with my friends, but it was tee-total, food-free fun. And I didn't know that could be any fun at all.
However, and I've been in two minds about whether to own up to this, I did have my first lapse, in the form of one - yes, only one - plastic cup of vodka and soda water. Tut tut. I umm-ed and ah-ed over it for ages, and then succumbed to the lure of the bar at around 8pm on the Saturday night. The ordering of the drink was time-consuming, the taste of the drink was vile, and the circumstances of the drink's consumption were stressful - in fact, most of it ended up down my top as I got pushed around during Bloc Party's brilliant set. And, of course, I didn't feel great about it. Although I knew that one drink would have little, if any, effect on my weight loss, it was the principle of the thing - I'm supposed to be abstaining completely. But, and this is a big but (but not as big as my butt), I do feel I learned from it. I actually feel proud of myself for getting through - and enjoying - a festival (how many of you could do it without real food or alcohol? OR drugs, before you try to be clever...) which will surely be the biggest challenge I'll face on this journey (oh Christ, I've started talking about my "journey" - it's just like The X Factor). And I know now that drinking while I'm dieting is pointless, because there was no enjoyment factor - I just felt tired and a bit disappointed in myself. And I have also learned that feeling left out is perhaps a trigger for me to drink - and maybe eat too? But, slight blip aside, I had a fantastic weekend and saw a lot more bands than I would have if I'd been heading back to my tent every couple of hours to have a few more swigs on the winebox. I saw Lightspeed Champion, Bloc Party, Los Campesinos, Vampire Weekend, The Wombats, Dan Le Sac Vs Scroobius Pip, Black Kids, MGMT, Frank Turner, Jack Penate, The Killers, Mystery Jets... plus bits of loads of others. And I remember it all - amazing!
The second challenge came yesterday, when I went to the aforementioned Olivia's house for a little barbecue. For years, I've been moaning about not having many good friends in South London, and now Olivia and James have moved to Peckham, so it's all very exciting. But it would be more exciting if I could eat. I actually felt fine when plate after plate of chicken wings, burgers, crisps and cheese were being passed around - I mostly just enjoyed the smell while demurely sipping my mushroom soup - and, in fact, it wasn't until we moved on to the pub that I felt a bit iffy. Everyone was ordering desserts, and Olivia plumped for ("plumped for"! See?! Obsessed!) a chocolate brownie thing with gooey sauce and ice cream. I wasn't tempted to eat it, but not being able to even entertain the idea of doing such a thing did make me feel a bit sad. It's hard sitting at a table of friends who are all naturally slim despite happily stuffing their faces with crap all afternoon - how do they do it?
Anyway, this blog post is a bit on the epic side (and no guinea pigs again. I am sorry...) so it's time to shut up and go to bed.
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