Tuesday, 18 November 2008
Wobble
Most of my blog posts so far - in fact, all of them - have been very positive, but today I'm feeling a bit wobbly. Literally. I've lost four stone, I'm ahead of target as far as clothes sizes are concerned, I'm wearing things I actually like (well, not right now - I'm in my gym kit!), physically I feel really good and I'm getting compliments everywhere I go - but I feel a bit weird about it. We're warned on this diet that our brains might take a while to catch up with our bodies, meaning we'll find it hard to see that we've actually lost weight, but I thought I was a little more rational than that. Apparently not. When I look at photos of myself I can see a difference, but when I look in the mirror, I find it hard to see where that four stone has gone. I hope my brain catches up soon as it's making me feel very insecure and critical of myself. What can I do to help with this? It would be useful, perhaps, if I saw someone I hadn't seen since starting the diet, but I can't think of anyone. Also, I shouldn't have to rely on other people to hammer the point home - it ought to come from me. Perhaps I should also get back into the habit of having pictures taken every few weeks and posting them on Facebook. But again, that wouldn't just be for my own benefit - does that matter? What else would help... a giant cardboard cut-out of me pre-diet? Plastercasts of my body made every few weeks? A lobotomy? Aaargh, this is HARD!
Tuesday, 11 November 2008
Boys, boys, boys
Over the past few weeks, I've been contemplating what losing weight might mean for my love life. When I started the diet (which is just over three months ago now, and it's flown by), I made a decision to remove myself from romantic entanglements too. This was partly for practical reasons - dating would be pretty tricky without food or drink being involved, unless I fancied explaining the whole thing to a new person or someone I didn't know very well. But it was also for more personal reasons - without wishing to sound like some kind of idiotic Californian, I guess I'm treating the last half of 2008 as a time of personal development and me-time and I consider myself to be a work in progress rather than a complete human being. This has been really positive, as it's allowed me to step back from all the dramarama of the pre-diet me, reflect on it and generally become more wise/pompous. So, I'll do a bit of that now, shall I?
Amusingly, in the last few weeks before I started Lighter Life (I made the decision to do it in early July, but had to wait a month or so before my group actually started), I was the most on fire I'd been in ages. I suppose every night out in that period had a ten to two quality to it, in that I knew the following few months wouldn't have such a sense of wild abandonment so I made the most of it. That makes it sound like I was slagging about a bit. I wasn't at all, but I was quite, um, popular. This leads me to an interesting point... I don't really feel that being a bit of a lard-arse has ever massively affected my pulling power. OK, so I've been officially single for much of the past four years but I don't think that's to do with my looks (or lack of…). When I told my parents I was doing Lighter Life, I got very, very annoyed when my mum’s instant reaction was "Oh yes, if you lose weight you might get a nice boyfriend". This makes my mum sound a bit horrid when she is in fact brilliant, and I know she was just trying to be encouraging, but it pissed me off at the time, for two reasons. The first is that I’m doing this diet for me and only me, and I genuinely mean that. I wouldn’t have been able to stick to it for so long if this wasn’t the case, and I think losing weight with the goal of getting a man would be pretty ill-advised and pathetic. The second thing that annoyed me about my mum’s reaction is the fact that I've got plenty of skinny friends with no boyfriends or not-nice boyfriends, and I've got plenty of non-skinny friends with nice boyfriends. Also, when I was at my heaviest, at the age of 21, I was in a happy long-term relationship. With an actual man, not with a Chinese takeaway menu, before you ask.
So, yes, basically it's all bollocks. Sorry Mum, but if anything's holding me back from having a "nice boyfriend" - and I don't even want one at the moment, thank you very much for asking - it's my personality! Any romantic failures I've had over the past few years - and believe me, there have been... several - haven't been about my level of physical attractiveness. In fact, the two men who've broken my heart the most in my life - one a long-term boyfriend, one a never-quite-anything - both seemed to think I was pretty hot. Unfortunately, they were evil. Sigh. Annoyingly, though, at the time of any romantic setback, I’ve often secretly and not-so secretly thought “Would this have happened if I was thinner?” but when I’ve reflected on it in hindsight, I’ve realised my weight had absolutely nothing to do with it. I think I’ve always been reasonably confident with my body in, um, intimate situations. I suppose I figured that if they’d got to that point with me, they knew what they were getting, and weirdly, I’ve always felt I look better in a state of undress than in clothes! This is to do with my body shape which has always been hourglassy - just different sizes of hourglass, I suppose - which is much easier to show off in, say, nice underwear than it is in the kind of generally uninspiring clothes that fit when you’re a size 16 or 18. I could say that I like me so much better when I’m naked but then I’d put a really annoying song in your heads and my dad might read it!
Contrary to everything I’ve said above, I am aware that being of a non plus-size variety might open up my options a bit. At least, one would assume so, since you only have to look at any internet dating site to see that the vast majority of men tick that they're looking for someone "slim, average or athletic", with far fewer of them also including "curvaceous" or whatever particular euphemism the website in question has gone for. Presumably, real-life men in real-life bars, nightclubs etc (um, where else do we meet people? I genuinely can't think of anywhere) have similar criteria but just don't get to spell it out quite so bluntly. Anyway, I haven't noticed if Isabel minus 3 stone 9lbs has been getting more male attention, as I haven't been looking, but when I relaunch myself in 2009, it will be interesting to observe.
But this all leads to a bit of a quandary - in fact, a series of quandaries - that I've analysed with various people, because I'm a girl, and that's what girls do. If, in 2009, I meet a whole new man who fancies the whole new me, do I have to explain that I'm four or five stone lighter than I used to be? Will he find this off-putting? Would it bother me that he probably wouldn't have liked me before I lost weight? And even if he didn't find it off-putting, would I constantly worry about putting on weight again and making myself less attractive in his (and my) eyes? Similarly, what if an existing man in my life who didn't fancy me before suddenly finds me attractive because I've lost weight? Would this be bad? One of my best friends thinks it would be bad, but I tend to disagree because the fact is, there are many men I find attractive, but I sure as hell wouldn't if they gained three or four stone. Shallow, but true. But that's not to say I wouldn't find it a bit difficult to deal with if this situation arose - again, the worries about me putting on weight (and they could be his worries, not mine) could rear their ugly fat heads. I'm interested to hear what other people think of all these issues, particularly men, so do let me know if you have any words of wisdom.
All of this is making me sound a bit neurotic, and I'm getting way ahead of myself since there is, for the first time in years, nobody at all on the scene (not that I'm aware of anyway - if you want a piece of me, do let me know and I'll book you in for 2009). Also, I've omitted a crucial detail - the change in me isn't simply physical. I feel like a different person, with more confidence, and confidence is way more desirable than slim thighs and sharp cheekbones, or so I've been lead to believe. I also feel much more in control than I've ever been before, and just generally more brilliant. Perhaps I'll actually become a total egomaniac and repel all human beings. But at least I'll be a slim egomaniac!
Amusingly, in the last few weeks before I started Lighter Life (I made the decision to do it in early July, but had to wait a month or so before my group actually started), I was the most on fire I'd been in ages. I suppose every night out in that period had a ten to two quality to it, in that I knew the following few months wouldn't have such a sense of wild abandonment so I made the most of it. That makes it sound like I was slagging about a bit. I wasn't at all, but I was quite, um, popular. This leads me to an interesting point... I don't really feel that being a bit of a lard-arse has ever massively affected my pulling power. OK, so I've been officially single for much of the past four years but I don't think that's to do with my looks (or lack of…). When I told my parents I was doing Lighter Life, I got very, very annoyed when my mum’s instant reaction was "Oh yes, if you lose weight you might get a nice boyfriend". This makes my mum sound a bit horrid when she is in fact brilliant, and I know she was just trying to be encouraging, but it pissed me off at the time, for two reasons. The first is that I’m doing this diet for me and only me, and I genuinely mean that. I wouldn’t have been able to stick to it for so long if this wasn’t the case, and I think losing weight with the goal of getting a man would be pretty ill-advised and pathetic. The second thing that annoyed me about my mum’s reaction is the fact that I've got plenty of skinny friends with no boyfriends or not-nice boyfriends, and I've got plenty of non-skinny friends with nice boyfriends. Also, when I was at my heaviest, at the age of 21, I was in a happy long-term relationship. With an actual man, not with a Chinese takeaway menu, before you ask.
So, yes, basically it's all bollocks. Sorry Mum, but if anything's holding me back from having a "nice boyfriend" - and I don't even want one at the moment, thank you very much for asking - it's my personality! Any romantic failures I've had over the past few years - and believe me, there have been... several - haven't been about my level of physical attractiveness. In fact, the two men who've broken my heart the most in my life - one a long-term boyfriend, one a never-quite-anything - both seemed to think I was pretty hot. Unfortunately, they were evil. Sigh. Annoyingly, though, at the time of any romantic setback, I’ve often secretly and not-so secretly thought “Would this have happened if I was thinner?” but when I’ve reflected on it in hindsight, I’ve realised my weight had absolutely nothing to do with it. I think I’ve always been reasonably confident with my body in, um, intimate situations. I suppose I figured that if they’d got to that point with me, they knew what they were getting, and weirdly, I’ve always felt I look better in a state of undress than in clothes! This is to do with my body shape which has always been hourglassy - just different sizes of hourglass, I suppose - which is much easier to show off in, say, nice underwear than it is in the kind of generally uninspiring clothes that fit when you’re a size 16 or 18. I could say that I like me so much better when I’m naked but then I’d put a really annoying song in your heads and my dad might read it!
Contrary to everything I’ve said above, I am aware that being of a non plus-size variety might open up my options a bit. At least, one would assume so, since you only have to look at any internet dating site to see that the vast majority of men tick that they're looking for someone "slim, average or athletic", with far fewer of them also including "curvaceous" or whatever particular euphemism the website in question has gone for. Presumably, real-life men in real-life bars, nightclubs etc (um, where else do we meet people? I genuinely can't think of anywhere) have similar criteria but just don't get to spell it out quite so bluntly. Anyway, I haven't noticed if Isabel minus 3 stone 9lbs has been getting more male attention, as I haven't been looking, but when I relaunch myself in 2009, it will be interesting to observe.
But this all leads to a bit of a quandary - in fact, a series of quandaries - that I've analysed with various people, because I'm a girl, and that's what girls do. If, in 2009, I meet a whole new man who fancies the whole new me, do I have to explain that I'm four or five stone lighter than I used to be? Will he find this off-putting? Would it bother me that he probably wouldn't have liked me before I lost weight? And even if he didn't find it off-putting, would I constantly worry about putting on weight again and making myself less attractive in his (and my) eyes? Similarly, what if an existing man in my life who didn't fancy me before suddenly finds me attractive because I've lost weight? Would this be bad? One of my best friends thinks it would be bad, but I tend to disagree because the fact is, there are many men I find attractive, but I sure as hell wouldn't if they gained three or four stone. Shallow, but true. But that's not to say I wouldn't find it a bit difficult to deal with if this situation arose - again, the worries about me putting on weight (and they could be his worries, not mine) could rear their ugly fat heads. I'm interested to hear what other people think of all these issues, particularly men, so do let me know if you have any words of wisdom.
All of this is making me sound a bit neurotic, and I'm getting way ahead of myself since there is, for the first time in years, nobody at all on the scene (not that I'm aware of anyway - if you want a piece of me, do let me know and I'll book you in for 2009). Also, I've omitted a crucial detail - the change in me isn't simply physical. I feel like a different person, with more confidence, and confidence is way more desirable than slim thighs and sharp cheekbones, or so I've been lead to believe. I also feel much more in control than I've ever been before, and just generally more brilliant. Perhaps I'll actually become a total egomaniac and repel all human beings. But at least I'll be a slim egomaniac!
Monday, 3 November 2008
Triumph
Back in July, when I was waiting to start Lighter Life, I bought a lovely red dress from ASOS in a size 12-14. I've never been a size 12-14 in my life, not even when I was a kid, so it was a bit of a risk to buy it when I hadn't even started the diet, but I knew how determined I was.
So, I've been trying the dress on at regular intervals ever since then. Three months ago, I couldn't even begin to get it on. A month ago, I could get it on, but it was too tight on the boobs and arms. Fast forward to this weekend, and I was fretting about what to wear to my brother in law's 40th birthday party. My wardrobe is quite limited at the moment, because I've got rid of all of my old stuff but am reluctant to buy too many new things in transitional sizes. So, I tried on the red dress, expecting it to still be too tight, but I think you know what's coming... it fit perfectly!
I ended up wearing it to David's party, had a great time and got lots and lots of compliments. I have to say, I'm enjoying all the attention. When I stop losing weight, I might have to drastically alter my appearance from week to week (shaved head? Tattoos? Face transplant?) just to keep the attention coming, like some kind of publicity-hungry celebrity. Jesus, I could turn into Jodie Marsh. Anyway, here is the hard evidence that the dress fits (incidentally, a few months ago there's no way I would have allowed a full-length photo to be taken next to a friend as skinny and gorgeous as Nicky... although admittedly, it's not the best picture of her - sorry Stocks, but I look nice!):
I know it sounds silly to put so much meaning into an item of clothing, but fitting into it felt like an impossible dream, so it meant so much to be able to wear it. It's the first time in my life that I've given myself an incentive and actually achieved my goal. And that feels amazing.
People keep asking me how much longer this diet goes on for. Let me explain so I don't have to have this conversation again. Initially, you sign up for 100 days of "abstinence", existing on four foodpacks a day and loads of water. My 100 days is up on November 15th, less than two weeks from now. But at that point you can carry on for as long as you like, until you get to your target weight. I've lost exactly three and a half stone so far, and to get to my original target of a size 12, I reckon I need to lose around two more stone, although it's quite tricky to gauge it. I've decided to lose another stone and a half and then re-evaluate, which should take me into December. I do not want to be in total abstinence at all in 2009, so either at the end of December or the beginning of January, I'll start the Management section of the diet, which is the most important bit when it comes to maintaining my new weight. It's a set 12 week programme which is very gradual, so initially I'll still be having three of the foodpacks a day plus one protein-based meal, with different kinds of foods being introduced each week. This all feels quite daunting as by that point I won't have eaten normal food for over four months! It means that by the time my 28th birthday (ugh) rolls around at the end of February, I should be eating fairly normally and drinking a bit and after months of no booze, I'd imagine I'll be a very cheap date.
You may have noticed that Christmas sits quite clumsily in the middle of all this uncertainty. I'm hoping that I'll be able to have a protein meal - ie turkey plus vegetables - on Christmas Day, but I'm really not that fussed and will see how I'm getting on at the time. Christmas isn't particularly important to me and my mum isn't into cooking, so I don't think anyone will be remotely bothered if I'm not eating a proper Christmas dinner. I can just entertain the children or something. The main thing I'm excited about Christmas-wise are all the clothes vouchers I'm going to demand, because that's the kind of vain, shallow human being this diet is turning me into. And I'll be a size 12 by then and will actually be able to buy stuff that will fit for more than a month. So exciting.
In fact, I'm excited about 2009 generally. 2007 was absolute hell for various reasons, 2008 has been more reflective and a time for personal development and improvement inside and out, and 2009 is when Isabel: The Relaunch will take place. Move over Britney, THIS is the comeback everyone will be talking about...
So, I've been trying the dress on at regular intervals ever since then. Three months ago, I couldn't even begin to get it on. A month ago, I could get it on, but it was too tight on the boobs and arms. Fast forward to this weekend, and I was fretting about what to wear to my brother in law's 40th birthday party. My wardrobe is quite limited at the moment, because I've got rid of all of my old stuff but am reluctant to buy too many new things in transitional sizes. So, I tried on the red dress, expecting it to still be too tight, but I think you know what's coming... it fit perfectly!
I ended up wearing it to David's party, had a great time and got lots and lots of compliments. I have to say, I'm enjoying all the attention. When I stop losing weight, I might have to drastically alter my appearance from week to week (shaved head? Tattoos? Face transplant?) just to keep the attention coming, like some kind of publicity-hungry celebrity. Jesus, I could turn into Jodie Marsh. Anyway, here is the hard evidence that the dress fits (incidentally, a few months ago there's no way I would have allowed a full-length photo to be taken next to a friend as skinny and gorgeous as Nicky... although admittedly, it's not the best picture of her - sorry Stocks, but I look nice!):
I know it sounds silly to put so much meaning into an item of clothing, but fitting into it felt like an impossible dream, so it meant so much to be able to wear it. It's the first time in my life that I've given myself an incentive and actually achieved my goal. And that feels amazing.
People keep asking me how much longer this diet goes on for. Let me explain so I don't have to have this conversation again. Initially, you sign up for 100 days of "abstinence", existing on four foodpacks a day and loads of water. My 100 days is up on November 15th, less than two weeks from now. But at that point you can carry on for as long as you like, until you get to your target weight. I've lost exactly three and a half stone so far, and to get to my original target of a size 12, I reckon I need to lose around two more stone, although it's quite tricky to gauge it. I've decided to lose another stone and a half and then re-evaluate, which should take me into December. I do not want to be in total abstinence at all in 2009, so either at the end of December or the beginning of January, I'll start the Management section of the diet, which is the most important bit when it comes to maintaining my new weight. It's a set 12 week programme which is very gradual, so initially I'll still be having three of the foodpacks a day plus one protein-based meal, with different kinds of foods being introduced each week. This all feels quite daunting as by that point I won't have eaten normal food for over four months! It means that by the time my 28th birthday (ugh) rolls around at the end of February, I should be eating fairly normally and drinking a bit and after months of no booze, I'd imagine I'll be a very cheap date.
You may have noticed that Christmas sits quite clumsily in the middle of all this uncertainty. I'm hoping that I'll be able to have a protein meal - ie turkey plus vegetables - on Christmas Day, but I'm really not that fussed and will see how I'm getting on at the time. Christmas isn't particularly important to me and my mum isn't into cooking, so I don't think anyone will be remotely bothered if I'm not eating a proper Christmas dinner. I can just entertain the children or something. The main thing I'm excited about Christmas-wise are all the clothes vouchers I'm going to demand, because that's the kind of vain, shallow human being this diet is turning me into. And I'll be a size 12 by then and will actually be able to buy stuff that will fit for more than a month. So exciting.
In fact, I'm excited about 2009 generally. 2007 was absolute hell for various reasons, 2008 has been more reflective and a time for personal development and improvement inside and out, and 2009 is when Isabel: The Relaunch will take place. Move over Britney, THIS is the comeback everyone will be talking about...
Saturday, 18 October 2008
And the award for most shameless self promoter goes to...
... ME! It was the Bauer Awards last night, which is when all the magazines in the company have a big piss-up at Grosvenor House, pretend they're not bothered about winning anything and boo loudly when love rats go up on stage to collect awards (LONG story...). I got shortlisted in the Rising Star category and had a brilliant evening. I had a bit of a revelation beforehand - I'd been worrying for days about what to wear, and I only realised on the day itself that I hadn't given a second thought to the fact that this would be the biggest, most formal eating/drinking situation I'd been in since starting the diet. But once again, everyone else was much more bothered about it than I was, constantly asking if I was OK, etc. Luckily I had a greedy boy to eat my food, and plenty of thirsty workmates to drink my share of the alcohol. So selfless of them. Anyway, this blog's been absent from photos for a while which seems silly as, really, who wants to read about weight loss unless there are photos? So, here's a picture of me last night in my new size 14 Oasis dress, alongside a picture of me from the same awards a year ago, looking drunk and hideous in a size 18 dress...
Tuesday, 14 October 2008
I'm so vain, I probably think this blog is about me
If there's one thing I can't stand it's vanity. I find it particularly repugnant when men spend way too much time on their hair, clothes and - the worst - tans (sorry Stef), but I'm also not a big fan of girls who are completely obsessed with the way they look. Or, at least, I used to feel that way. But, now that I'm three stone lighter (OK, 2 stone, 12 lbs lighter, let's not get ahead of ourselves) I'm obsessed with looking at pictures of myself, checking myself out in mirrors, buying clothes and then trying said clothes on several times while checking myself out in mirrors and, yep, possibly even taking pictures of myself doing it and then looking at them. If I wasn't me, I would think I was a total twat.
I had today off work for tedious reasons involving Sky engineers, and this morning I went shopping in Croydon with the intention of buying two, just two, items - some new jeans, as my old ones now all look beyond ridiculous, and a dress for the Bauer Awards this Friday. I ended up buying the jeans... plus a skirt, some shoes, a necklace, some tights and FOUR dresses. I've also got two dresses on the way from ASOS, and another one from somewhere in America. I think somebody should probably take my debit card away (Dad?) before this gets any more out of control. To be fair, though, the jeans were a tenner from New Look and a lot of the other stuff was from Primark, so I didn't spend a huge amount... but probably more than I should have done considering some of these items will be too big for me quite quickly. I used to hate shopping, but now that I'm thinner, I have to confess that I rather like it. Suddenly changing rooms aren't evil and Topshop isn't a no-go zone. I've still got a way to go, as at the moment I'm a size 14 in everything but jeans, thanks to my sticky-outy, size 16 bum, but just a few months ago that bum sometimes struggled to get into 18s, so it's progress. I also have a ridiculous new bra size, as I've lost a lot off my back, but not too much cuppage - so I'm now a 34GG, when I used to be a 36GG or 38G. Perhaps I should do porn.
Speaking of which (boobs, not porn - this isn't that kind of website), I had to buy a hideous sports bra yesterday because... wait for it... I've joined the gym! On my last blog post, an anonymous reader (ooh, mysterious...) asked if I was doing any exercise so I can now answer this. I've been going swimming at South Norwood Leisure Centre a couple of times a week since July, but now that I'm lighter and feel more confident, I decided to sign up to their gym as well. It's cheap and really modern, and never appears to be very busy. I've just got back from my induction and it was surprisingly OK. The instructor was nice and I explained the diet and everything to her, so I've got a programme which will mainly focus on toning, as obviously this is a big concern when I'm losing a lot of weight very quickly. I discovered that I'm actually stronger and fitter than I thought I was, but then last time I had a gym induction was in 2003 when I was a lot heavier (I lost a couple of stone on Weightwatchers in 2004, and kept most of it off before starting Lighter Life). We've also been given a stretchy exercise band thing, a Swiss ball and a couple of DVDs at our Lighter Life meetings, but it's tricky for me to use these at home as my flat is very small, and Delilah (my cat) thinks it's a fun game and tries to join in. Anyway, people who witter on about exercise are really, really dull so I won't expand further, other than to say yes, I'm exercising, and I plan to step it up as my calorie intake rises - on only 500 a day, I need to be careful I don't overdo it.
I've got about four weeks to go until the initial 100 days of Lighter Life is over and I hope to lose around 18 more pounds in that time. I then have a choice: if I'm happy where I am, I can move into "Route To Management" which is where food starts to be re-introduced. Or if I want to lose a bit more weight, I can go into "Development" which means I'd carry on with the no-food, no-booze, no-life (not true) thing until I reach my goal. I'd imagine I'll carry on for three or four weeks, and then start RTM around Christmas - which will be interesting, to say the least.
Any questions? If you ask me stuff, I might actually update this more often...
I had today off work for tedious reasons involving Sky engineers, and this morning I went shopping in Croydon with the intention of buying two, just two, items - some new jeans, as my old ones now all look beyond ridiculous, and a dress for the Bauer Awards this Friday. I ended up buying the jeans... plus a skirt, some shoes, a necklace, some tights and FOUR dresses. I've also got two dresses on the way from ASOS, and another one from somewhere in America. I think somebody should probably take my debit card away (Dad?) before this gets any more out of control. To be fair, though, the jeans were a tenner from New Look and a lot of the other stuff was from Primark, so I didn't spend a huge amount... but probably more than I should have done considering some of these items will be too big for me quite quickly. I used to hate shopping, but now that I'm thinner, I have to confess that I rather like it. Suddenly changing rooms aren't evil and Topshop isn't a no-go zone. I've still got a way to go, as at the moment I'm a size 14 in everything but jeans, thanks to my sticky-outy, size 16 bum, but just a few months ago that bum sometimes struggled to get into 18s, so it's progress. I also have a ridiculous new bra size, as I've lost a lot off my back, but not too much cuppage - so I'm now a 34GG, when I used to be a 36GG or 38G. Perhaps I should do porn.
Speaking of which (boobs, not porn - this isn't that kind of website), I had to buy a hideous sports bra yesterday because... wait for it... I've joined the gym! On my last blog post, an anonymous reader (ooh, mysterious...) asked if I was doing any exercise so I can now answer this. I've been going swimming at South Norwood Leisure Centre a couple of times a week since July, but now that I'm lighter and feel more confident, I decided to sign up to their gym as well. It's cheap and really modern, and never appears to be very busy. I've just got back from my induction and it was surprisingly OK. The instructor was nice and I explained the diet and everything to her, so I've got a programme which will mainly focus on toning, as obviously this is a big concern when I'm losing a lot of weight very quickly. I discovered that I'm actually stronger and fitter than I thought I was, but then last time I had a gym induction was in 2003 when I was a lot heavier (I lost a couple of stone on Weightwatchers in 2004, and kept most of it off before starting Lighter Life). We've also been given a stretchy exercise band thing, a Swiss ball and a couple of DVDs at our Lighter Life meetings, but it's tricky for me to use these at home as my flat is very small, and Delilah (my cat) thinks it's a fun game and tries to join in. Anyway, people who witter on about exercise are really, really dull so I won't expand further, other than to say yes, I'm exercising, and I plan to step it up as my calorie intake rises - on only 500 a day, I need to be careful I don't overdo it.
I've got about four weeks to go until the initial 100 days of Lighter Life is over and I hope to lose around 18 more pounds in that time. I then have a choice: if I'm happy where I am, I can move into "Route To Management" which is where food starts to be re-introduced. Or if I want to lose a bit more weight, I can go into "Development" which means I'd carry on with the no-food, no-booze, no-life (not true) thing until I reach my goal. I'd imagine I'll carry on for three or four weeks, and then start RTM around Christmas - which will be interesting, to say the least.
Any questions? If you ask me stuff, I might actually update this more often...
Wednesday, 1 October 2008
My blogging shame
Today I've had two complaints about my lack of recent bloggage. One of them even cited the date that I last wrote and pointed out that I'd said in that very entry that I'd be updating loads because I had time off work. Well, um, I lied, didn't I? But while I might not be sticking to my vow to update this regularly, I am sticking to the diet. No slip-ups, no drama and I've now lost over two stone. So, what the hell have I been doing with my time? Let's see...
Home improvements: My flat is now nearly as beautiful as I want it to be. Thanks to the combined skills and general brilliance of my parents (Mum = painting and curtain making superstar. Dad = demon driller) and my own sense of motivation (which I never used to have before this diet), my living room is now all kinds of gorgeous. It's been rid of crappy Argos bookshelves and Ikea bits and pieces, and is full of things I really love from vintage shops and eBay. Speaking of which...
Spending money: Oh my god, I'm addicted to shopping. Over the past few weeks, Paypal has become my best pal. I've realised that everything is better in America and have been buying all sorts of clothes that don't fit me yet from sites like pinupgirlclothing.com, as well as loads more tat for my house from far-flung corners of the world like Oklahoma, Rotterdam and, er, Crystal Palace. I've also been spending money in actual shops, where you have to deal with human beings and everything, and today bought my first much smaller item that actually fits. I know a size 14 isn't small by a lot of people's standards, but it is definitely in the realms of "normal" and "curvy" rather than "fat", so for me to be able to buy something that size - and not even something stretchy, but a fitted autumnal jacket - is quite an achievement. And it wasn't a fluke - I tried on several different coats of various shapes and colours, and 14 was the right size in all of them. This is partly because my boobs (which normally had me firmly in size 18 territory with anything that needed to fasten) have shrunk quite a bit over the past week or so. Don't worry, whammer fans, they're still definitely prominent, but you might want to kiss goodbye to them soon. Not literally. Unless you're fit. Today I also bought a waist-cinching belt in a medium (the large was too big! This is unheard of!) which shows where my weight is coming off - my waist is under 32 inches now, but my hips are still of child-bearing proportions and, well, baby's most definitely got back. I'm still definitely a 16 in jeans, but that's OK - I like having an arse, and I know things will be in proportion eventually.
Socialising: My struggle with having fun while not boozing/eating is over - it's now totally fine. I went to a wedding drinks thing on Saturday night and had a brilliant time - the best I've had since starting the diet, and it didn't bother me at all that people were scoffing chips and knocking back shots of sambuca. I've also been enjoying doing different things - there have been more trips to the theatre, more gigs, more nice lunchtime strolls, more ridiculous conversations with Nicky (the day we run out of things to say to each other is the day the world ends) and I've just got home from my first ever meeting of Isabel's Book Group For Nice Girls Who Are Clever And Not Pretentious (search for it on Facebook if you want to join) where we discussed Lionel Shriver's We Need To Talk About Kevin. A lovely mixture of people came along and it made me feel all warm inside - and without the aid of Jack Daniels. I think that when it comes to drinking again, I'll take a much more moderate approach, as I've realised I absolutely don't need it to have a good time, which is quite the revelation for me.
Getting a big head: I've been really touched and overwhelmed by how lovely 99 per cent of people I know have been about me doing this. Obviously it goes without saying that my closest friends and family have been amazing, but I've also been getting lots of support and encouragement from people I don't know so well. Every day I get compliments about how good I'm looking, and some of the most meaningful come in the form of private messages from random people on the fringes of my life, because I know they wouldn't bother if they didn't mean it. It really keeps me going and I'll be keeping them all in a special file so if I struggle further down the line, I can give myself a boost. Blimey, that was a bit sincere. I hate you all really.
The important thing to remember is even though I might be, according to some of you, looking great at the moment, I do still have a long way to go. I'm over halfway through the first stage of this diet, but the hard bit comes after that, when real food starts coming into it. I'm determined to get to my target of a size 12 which I reckon will involve losing around two more stone, but it's really hard to say. At the moment it feels quite easy but I know it won't stay that way, so it means a lot to me that I have so many people being so damned brilliant. Aaaargh, there goes that heartfelt sincerity again! I'd better go before I start weeping or something.
Home improvements: My flat is now nearly as beautiful as I want it to be. Thanks to the combined skills and general brilliance of my parents (Mum = painting and curtain making superstar. Dad = demon driller) and my own sense of motivation (which I never used to have before this diet), my living room is now all kinds of gorgeous. It's been rid of crappy Argos bookshelves and Ikea bits and pieces, and is full of things I really love from vintage shops and eBay. Speaking of which...
Spending money: Oh my god, I'm addicted to shopping. Over the past few weeks, Paypal has become my best pal. I've realised that everything is better in America and have been buying all sorts of clothes that don't fit me yet from sites like pinupgirlclothing.com, as well as loads more tat for my house from far-flung corners of the world like Oklahoma, Rotterdam and, er, Crystal Palace. I've also been spending money in actual shops, where you have to deal with human beings and everything, and today bought my first much smaller item that actually fits. I know a size 14 isn't small by a lot of people's standards, but it is definitely in the realms of "normal" and "curvy" rather than "fat", so for me to be able to buy something that size - and not even something stretchy, but a fitted autumnal jacket - is quite an achievement. And it wasn't a fluke - I tried on several different coats of various shapes and colours, and 14 was the right size in all of them. This is partly because my boobs (which normally had me firmly in size 18 territory with anything that needed to fasten) have shrunk quite a bit over the past week or so. Don't worry, whammer fans, they're still definitely prominent, but you might want to kiss goodbye to them soon. Not literally. Unless you're fit. Today I also bought a waist-cinching belt in a medium (the large was too big! This is unheard of!) which shows where my weight is coming off - my waist is under 32 inches now, but my hips are still of child-bearing proportions and, well, baby's most definitely got back. I'm still definitely a 16 in jeans, but that's OK - I like having an arse, and I know things will be in proportion eventually.
Socialising: My struggle with having fun while not boozing/eating is over - it's now totally fine. I went to a wedding drinks thing on Saturday night and had a brilliant time - the best I've had since starting the diet, and it didn't bother me at all that people were scoffing chips and knocking back shots of sambuca. I've also been enjoying doing different things - there have been more trips to the theatre, more gigs, more nice lunchtime strolls, more ridiculous conversations with Nicky (the day we run out of things to say to each other is the day the world ends) and I've just got home from my first ever meeting of Isabel's Book Group For Nice Girls Who Are Clever And Not Pretentious (search for it on Facebook if you want to join) where we discussed Lionel Shriver's We Need To Talk About Kevin. A lovely mixture of people came along and it made me feel all warm inside - and without the aid of Jack Daniels. I think that when it comes to drinking again, I'll take a much more moderate approach, as I've realised I absolutely don't need it to have a good time, which is quite the revelation for me.
Getting a big head: I've been really touched and overwhelmed by how lovely 99 per cent of people I know have been about me doing this. Obviously it goes without saying that my closest friends and family have been amazing, but I've also been getting lots of support and encouragement from people I don't know so well. Every day I get compliments about how good I'm looking, and some of the most meaningful come in the form of private messages from random people on the fringes of my life, because I know they wouldn't bother if they didn't mean it. It really keeps me going and I'll be keeping them all in a special file so if I struggle further down the line, I can give myself a boost. Blimey, that was a bit sincere. I hate you all really.
The important thing to remember is even though I might be, according to some of you, looking great at the moment, I do still have a long way to go. I'm over halfway through the first stage of this diet, but the hard bit comes after that, when real food starts coming into it. I'm determined to get to my target of a size 12 which I reckon will involve losing around two more stone, but it's really hard to say. At the moment it feels quite easy but I know it won't stay that way, so it means a lot to me that I have so many people being so damned brilliant. Aaaargh, there goes that heartfelt sincerity again! I'd better go before I start weeping or something.
Sunday, 14 September 2008
Don't worry, I haven't starved to death...
I've just been busy. Yes, it is actually possible to be busy when you're not eating or drinking like a normal person. I've also been very tired, so haven't had the energy to write (I write all bleeding day, so sometimes it's the last thing I want to do when I get home). A couple of people assumed that the absence of bloggage meant that I'd given up but "au contraire!", as someone twatty might say, it's still going very well - as of yesterday, I've lost 1st 11lbs... in five weeks! Apparently that's the weight of an average two year old - I would like to illustrate this point with a photo of me when I was two, but there are two problems: 1. I don't have any to hand and 2. I'd imagine I weighed a lot more than that when I was two, given that my brother and sister used to nickname me the Michelin baby. Oh yes, I've always been "curvy".
The other good news is that, from what I can remember, I now officially weigh less than I have since approximately the second year of university - although, weirdly, my body is a different shape. My boobs are bigger than they were then (since starting this diet, I've gone down a back size, but am still the same cup size), but my waist is smaller (it now stands at 32.5 inches - three inches smaller than it was five weeks ago!). My my, I must have blossomed into a woman.
I now have a week off work, but I'm not going anywhere - instead, I'm sorting out my flat. I've lived here for a year now and I love it, but it still feels a bit incomplete - I haven't even fully unpacked. Oh my god, I'm a terrible human being. To be fair though, it's a small flat without much storage, and I own a lot of crap. So, this week I'm sorting a lot of stuff out, getting rid of things (including all the clothes that are now too big for me) and then my mum's coming to stay for a couple of nights to help me decorate - brace yourselves, for the pink palace will be getting even pinker!
I think this urge to do nesty things is probably diet-related - maybe I want to make over my flat as well as my body, or maybe I'm using the energy that's normally reserved for socialising too much and actually doing something positive and productive with it. This is exciting, as if my flat's looking good, it will make me want to invite more people into it (oo-er, does this apply to my body as well? Time will tell!) and my home is a much better environment for me at the moment than bars and restaurants. I also have a lot of tedious personal admin to do this week, including renewing my driving licence (which means I've been on the road for ten years. God, I'm old). This is a bit annoying because I don't really want to get new passport pictures taken for it until my cheeks have gone from festively plump (my ex-boyfriend used to squeeze them and say "A round face is a happy face!" - um, no, a round face is a greedy face) to "Excuse me, would you mind awfully if I sliced this lump of cheese on your face?".
Although I just wrote that "my home is a much better environment for me at the moment than bars and restaurants", I have actually been spending a fair amount of time in eating and drinking establishments, and it's really fine - normal food just seems like something that's not part of my life at the moment, and it genuinely doesn't bother me when other people are eating. In some cases, it seems to bother them a lot more than it bothers me- there's been quite a bit of "I'm so sorry to eat this in front of you, are you sure it's OK, I can go somewhere else" etc etc. Please stop this, real life friends - in fact, shut your cakeholes!
As for the drinking... I do still miss it, but not as much as I thought I would. In theory, I'll be finishing the abstinence part of this diet on November 14th, and after that you go to the management stage, where you start introducing different types of foods gradually (there's a set programme, it's all very sensible). As far as I'm aware, you don't re-introduce alcohol until the fifth or sixth week of that but given the time of year this will coincide with, I just don't think this is going to work for me, so I'm going to have to adapt it somehow. Whatever happens, I'm going to drink on November 22nd - it's my lovely friend Raji's hen night, and I'm very excited about it. But if that's the first time I've boozed in over three months, I'll have to be very, very careful.... although at least by then I should be light enough for me friends to peel me off the floor if necessary.
I've got a mental list of things I want to write about in this blog (and some of it's quite juicy...) so I'll try to get round to it during my week off... probably when I'm trying to avoid sorting through my endless piles of junk.
The other good news is that, from what I can remember, I now officially weigh less than I have since approximately the second year of university - although, weirdly, my body is a different shape. My boobs are bigger than they were then (since starting this diet, I've gone down a back size, but am still the same cup size), but my waist is smaller (it now stands at 32.5 inches - three inches smaller than it was five weeks ago!). My my, I must have blossomed into a woman.
I now have a week off work, but I'm not going anywhere - instead, I'm sorting out my flat. I've lived here for a year now and I love it, but it still feels a bit incomplete - I haven't even fully unpacked. Oh my god, I'm a terrible human being. To be fair though, it's a small flat without much storage, and I own a lot of crap. So, this week I'm sorting a lot of stuff out, getting rid of things (including all the clothes that are now too big for me) and then my mum's coming to stay for a couple of nights to help me decorate - brace yourselves, for the pink palace will be getting even pinker!
I think this urge to do nesty things is probably diet-related - maybe I want to make over my flat as well as my body, or maybe I'm using the energy that's normally reserved for socialising too much and actually doing something positive and productive with it. This is exciting, as if my flat's looking good, it will make me want to invite more people into it (oo-er, does this apply to my body as well? Time will tell!) and my home is a much better environment for me at the moment than bars and restaurants. I also have a lot of tedious personal admin to do this week, including renewing my driving licence (which means I've been on the road for ten years. God, I'm old). This is a bit annoying because I don't really want to get new passport pictures taken for it until my cheeks have gone from festively plump (my ex-boyfriend used to squeeze them and say "A round face is a happy face!" - um, no, a round face is a greedy face) to "Excuse me, would you mind awfully if I sliced this lump of cheese on your face?".
Although I just wrote that "my home is a much better environment for me at the moment than bars and restaurants", I have actually been spending a fair amount of time in eating and drinking establishments, and it's really fine - normal food just seems like something that's not part of my life at the moment, and it genuinely doesn't bother me when other people are eating. In some cases, it seems to bother them a lot more than it bothers me- there's been quite a bit of "I'm so sorry to eat this in front of you, are you sure it's OK, I can go somewhere else" etc etc. Please stop this, real life friends - in fact, shut your cakeholes!
As for the drinking... I do still miss it, but not as much as I thought I would. In theory, I'll be finishing the abstinence part of this diet on November 14th, and after that you go to the management stage, where you start introducing different types of foods gradually (there's a set programme, it's all very sensible). As far as I'm aware, you don't re-introduce alcohol until the fifth or sixth week of that but given the time of year this will coincide with, I just don't think this is going to work for me, so I'm going to have to adapt it somehow. Whatever happens, I'm going to drink on November 22nd - it's my lovely friend Raji's hen night, and I'm very excited about it. But if that's the first time I've boozed in over three months, I'll have to be very, very careful.... although at least by then I should be light enough for me friends to peel me off the floor if necessary.
I've got a mental list of things I want to write about in this blog (and some of it's quite juicy...) so I'll try to get round to it during my week off... probably when I'm trying to avoid sorting through my endless piles of junk.
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