So, it's the first day of 2009, I've reached my goal weight and have started reintroducing normal food. Blimey. 2008 was a year of massive change, both inside and out, and I'm feeling excited and positive about the future. Last night, I went out and saw in 2009 with the wonderful Nicky Stocks, wore a lovely new dress (size 12!), some even lovelier new shoes (size 5 - I used to be a 6!) and had my first (and second, third, fourth and fifth...) alcoholic drinks in five months. I had a brilliant time and there was no hangover either - it all felt very teenaged. I definitely indulged, but I don't feel that I over-indulged (even though booze isn't strictly on the agenda for a few weeks), and it didn't make me want to stuff my face with fried chicken, chips and/or bacon sandwiches. Here are me and Nicky showing off our pretty dresses in the glamorous surroundings of the Islington Academy toilets:
I'm not sure if I'll carry on drinking regularly over the coming weeks or not. It probably helps that lots of people will be having a tee-total start to the year, so I might just go along with that for the next few weeks, until February when I'll have a big wedding to go to (my friends Raji and Tom), a holiday (I'm off to Spain for a few days with my parents and my friend Debbie) and my 28th birthday, and I don't intend to stay entirely sober for any of those.
My first proper meal since August was, as planned, at my work Christmas lunch on December 23rd. One thing I wasn't prepared for was how nervous and overwhelmed I would feel beforehand. When we waited outside the restaurant for our tables to be ready, I felt seriously panicky and it was actually quite scary. In hindsight, it was probably a bit silly for my debut eating experience to be in front of 30-odd workmates, as I suddenly felt really weird about it, which I hadn't anticipated at all. Once we were actually sitting down (and I made sure I surrounded myself with my closest friends from work, which helped - so thank you Cuckoo, Laura and Stef. You are my rocks, or something) it was all OK, but I think beforehand the magnitude of what I've done over the past few months really hit me for the first time. But, once I'd calmed down a bit, I happily and sensibly ate a mini Christmas dinner (well, just a couple of prawns, a bit of turkey, some green beans and a few sprouts - I've never liked sprouts before but I bloody love them now) and it was very nice indeed. But you can see the fear in my eyes here as I took my first mouthful...
I had two similar meals with my family over the Christmas period, but did also pick at a few less sensible things - a bit of chocolate and a few bites of carrot cake. However, both of them made me feel a bit sick, whereas I've been really enjoying the healthier stuff, so that's good to know for the future. When I got weighed on Tuesday, I was shocked to discover that, despite upping my calorie intake considerably on three days out of seven, I managed to lose an unexpected five pounds over the course of the week, taking my total weight loss to 5 stone, 3 lbs. Those of you who feared that I'd descend into anorexia will be pleased to hear that I'm not bothered about losing anymore weight - mainly because I don't want all my new clothes to be too big! I've never had any desire to be skinny (like Bridget Jones, "I'll always be just a little bit fat"!). Size 12 is what I wanted and size 12 is where I am in 80 per cent of clothes - I'm a size 10 in some tops, and a size 14 in some bottoms, all of which sounds pretty normal.
I also discovered over the Christmas period that exercise is now definitely a habit. Regular readers and real-life friends will know that I've been going to the gym twice a week for a couple of months. I couldn't go over Christmas as I was at my parents' house some 80 miles away, but I still felt that I wanted to be active, so I went for a nice run with my sister on Boxing Day and then by myself a couple of days later. And here's the proof!
It felt great so I know that exercise is a habit I'll keep up in 2009. I've never been able to say that confidently before.
Despite the fact that I wasn't over-indulging like I normally would at this time of year, I feel like I had one of the best Christmases in ages. I got some lovely new clothes (plus some money to buy even more!) and I felt happy and relaxed rather than bloated or hungover. My family all commented that I am a much easier person to be around since doing Lighter Life - I'm not sure if this is because I feel happier with myself, or if it's because my moods are more stable as I'm not going through the highs and lows of carbs, sugar and alcohol - perhaps a bit of both. I don't like the implication that I used to be difficult, but I can see where they're coming from.
While I was at home in the Fens, I also went for a night out with Sarah, my friend from school who I hadn't seen for a whopping nine years. In the past I've shied away from these kinds of reunions, as I've felt ashamed of the way I looked, although this is something I haven't put into words until now. But this time I felt happy to see old faces as I'm slimmer now than I ever was at school - I weigh the same as I did before puberty!
So anyway, now that Christmas is out of the way, I'm following the whole Route To Management thing much more strictly - today I've had a grilled chicken breast with some salad, plus three Lighter Life packs, and that will be pretty typical of the next couple of weeks, before more foods are introduced. I'm basically like a baby being weaned onto solids. After months of surviving on nothing but bland, synthetic shakes and soups, everything suddenly tastes so exotic, and I'm enjoying foods that I've never bothered with before (green ones, mainly). Hopefully I'll keep this up and successfully maintain my weight loss. I guess that's my new year's resolution. Last year's new year's resolution was to master the art of liquid eyeliner, and I managed that (oh, and I lost over five stone...) so I'd better jolly well succeed at this one too. It would be a big old waste of time if I didn't, wouldn't it?
It's now time for me to say HAPPY NEW YEAR and a big thank you for all your support over the past few months. You're ace. Especially YOU.
