Wobbling no more

Oh dear, it seems that a few people were worried about me after reading my last entry. But don't panic, I seem to be over my mental blip and am now finding it easier to see that I have indeed lost a hell of a lot of weight. And that's down to a few things...

I had last week off work and my sister came to stay for a couple of days. Now, Michelle is a size 10-12 and has pretty much always been that way, so I've always felt like the fat sister. Our body shapes are quite different, in that she is an inch or two taller than me, and she's more pear-shaped (she's going to hate me for this!) when I'm more hourglassy, so we're not particularly comparable. However, when she came to visit, we did some comparing anyway, prancing around in our underwear (no, boys, there isn't a video), trying on clothes and measuring each other. She tried on quite a few of my new dresses and they all either fit her or were only a bit too big. We also discovered that my waist is only one inch bigger than hers and my hips are only two inches bigger than hers. This is NOT how things appear in my head so it was quite an eye opener and really cheered me up. The fact that we went to Bluewater the next day where she bought me a lovely dress (from H&M, not known for its generous sizing) helped too. So, thank you Michelle - you are ace (and still the thin sister, so don't worry!).

In my last entry, I also remarked that it might help if I saw some people who hadn't seen me since pre-diet. Well, on Friday I went to a birthday party in glamorous Peckham where I saw four or five people who I hadn't seen for at least six months. A couple of them knew about the diet and a couple of them didn't, but all of them were very vocal about how much I'd changed and it made me feel great. So, it seems my ego was definitely in need of a massage - or some "positive strokes" as they're called in our Lighter Life meetings. I also got some boy attention which, without wishing to sound like a pathetic needy girl, always helps too.

Aside from obviously looking and feeling healthier, it turns out there are lots of other little bonuses to losing weight too - things I hadn't even realised were a problem before. One of the ones I'm enjoying the most is my new ability to wear heels - I used to only wear them for big nights out (and even then I'd either end up dancing around them - classy - or have to go out armed with some flats stuffed into my bag) and hadn't realised that my feet ached any more than those of my slim friends. But bloody hell, they obviously did, because now I find that I can wear heels whenever I like for long periods of time and because of this, the way I dress day to day has changed completely, in a good way. In other shoe-related news, bizarrely I've also gone down a shoe size. I can't say I was particularly hung up about being a size six in the first place, but the fact that I now appear to be a five is a nice excuse to buy even more shoes.

Another bonus is hair-related (god, this is all so shallow isn't it? I will move on to some things that are more about my inner peace, promise). I've always had chubby cheeks (my ex-boyfriend used to squeeze them and say "a round face is a happy face". Hmm, not at all patronising...) and this meant I always looked better with my hair down. But now I can wear it up too without looking like a Cabbage Patch Doll. So, again, it means my "look" can be more varied.

On less of an appearance-based issue, I've also found that getting public transport is a much more pleasant experience - and again, I didn't realise that I was giving myself a raw deal before. The trains from Norwood Junction in the morning are pretty crowded, but there are usually one or two seats dotted around. However, they're usually the ones that involve wedging one's womanly form between two sprawled-out middle-aged businessmen wielding copies of the Financial Times, so attempting to squeeze my child-bearing hips into them used to feel like a bit of an imposition. Not so anymore - now that I am a normal-sized girl (it's official! I'm a normal-sized girl! I admitted it!), I don't take up any excess space, and I don't get any tuts or dirty looks (actually, I do - but that's usually because I'm playing Miley Cyrus too loudly on my iPod). I noticed the same thing when I went to the theatre and to a gig at the weekend, and I'd imagine I'll notice it quite dramatically when I fly to Spain on Easyjet in February.

More importantly, I'm also now a nicer, calmer, more grown-up and saner person. I'm not saying I was horrible, manic, immature and bonkers before, but something's definitely changed. I think it's partly because I feel in control of my life at the moment, but also because I'm exercising regularly (I'm successfully gymming two or three times a week and - get this - actually enjoying it) and not subjecting my body to the highs and lows that come from sugar, carbs and booze. So, it'll be interesting to see if this inner calm goes out of the window when I start eating normal stuff again. Which leads me nicely onto the next subject...

Food. I'm now only around a stone off my original target and, since I'm averaging a loss of around 3lbs a week (average being the operative word - this week I lost 5lbs, but last week I only lost 1 lb, despite doing absolutely nothing any differently - aside from that lone vodka and soda at Reading all those months ago, I still haven't lapsed at all), I should hit that around Christmas. And I'm still undecided about what to do about that. Going into Management at New Year seems like a good idea, but I'd quite like to eat something at Christmas too. And as for alcohol... I'm scared! I think it will end up being a last-minute decision, and I think that's OK. I remember months ago I wrote that I was definitely going to eat and drink at my friend Raji's hen night - well, that's now been and gone, and when the time came, I decided to stick to the diet and still had a brilliant time. So perhaps the same thing will happen when Christmas rolls around. Christmas Day itself isn't really the issue, as my family have said they don't mind either way, but all the festive merriment beforehand could be tricky. My work Christmas dinner won't be much fun if I'm just sitting there for hours watching everyone stuff their faces with food and wine, but I can't and don't want to miss it. Oh well, there's no point getting stressed about it - I've managed this for four months and have lost 4 stone 5 lbs in that time, so what's another month?

So, apparently you people want pictures. Well, first, here's a (hideous) shot of me two weeks before starting Lighter Life, wearing a size 18 dress. When I bought that dress, I had to get Nicky to adjust the lining with some cunning scissorwork so that my boobs would fit in. It's a different story now - I tried it on the other day and it looked like an actual tent, and it was particularly billowing around the chest. I've now got rid of it, along with all my "fat" clothes (some of which my aforementioned ace sister is selling for me on eBay!). Anyway, I then present you with a picture of me in a similar pose at the party I went to on Friday. Even I can see the difference - and really it's more about toning up (I. Hate. My. Arms!) than losing much more weight now - yay!